I decided to take my daughters out to eat. Five minutes after we had been seated, a large man and his four children were seated at the table beside us. Within minutes, the father started chastising his son about the “C” he had received in band on his report card. In a very loud and aggressive voice, the man was going on and on about how this would affect his son’s overall GPA, eligibility to play sports, keep him out to the Jr. National Honors Society, etc.
He continued to talk about competition and how you’re either a winner or loser in this world; and being a loser is unacceptable. The father was being verbally disrespectful to his son, the teachers, and the other students his son was involved with at school; not to mention those of us in the restaurant who had to listen to him.
If this wasn’t already uncomfortable and awkward, when the father told his son to physically hit anyone who gets in his way or was distracting and annoying him, my blood started to boil. At this point the server approached him and the father shifted gears; but I was still upset inside.
I felt I needed to say something; but what could I say to an angry 300 pound bully? I was at a total loss. What struck me odd was that his children didn’t seem shaken by his actions. So I did the only thing within my power. I turned it into a teaching moment for my three daughters.
Competition can be viewed as either constructive or destruction. It’s entirely up to you as to which attitude you choose to adopt. Your attitude is formed through your association with coaches, family, friends, and the people with whom you compete. Notice I did not say “people you compete against.”
When you compete with people, the environment is positive, healthy, constructive and encourages cooperation. Friendly relationships are created and there is mutual respect. Care, empathy, and consideration are present. You are self-reflective and focused on learning and improving yourself. You are in competition only with yourself and are striving for individual excellence. Your success is not defined by the end result (who is crowned).
When you compete against others, you immediately start focusing on the other contestants. Your energy shifts to a negative, unhealthy, or destructive space. Taking out the competition either through mental games or verbal confrontations is typical. Fear, hostility, anger, jealousy, envy, and unethical behaviors are present in environments where the only focus is on winning the overall title. The lasting effects from a negative attitude of competition are a lack of respect for people and poor character development. The father we encountered in the restaurant is a perfect example of negative competition.
Competition, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. It is a vehicle for potential growth and success. Everyone needs to learn how to handle success and failure. The younger, the better. We learn more from our failures than when things are always going our way and we are winning.
It all starts with you. Every word that comes from your mouth; and every action you do or fail to do sets an example for everyone around you. Consciously make a decision to focus on constructive thoughts, words and action.
I frequently check my attitude. As I’ve gotten older, it’s easier for me to keep the big picture in mind and to focus on constructive ways of getting better. I never want to stop growing and learning.
“Live daringly, boldly, fearlessly. Taste the relish to be found in competition – in having put forth the best within you”
Henry J. Kaiser