You have no control over the final outcome of the pageant. However, it is totally within your power to make your daughter, or yourself, feel like a queen and a winner throughout the entire pageant process. Here are some of my personal tips on what I do for myself and my daughters when we compete to make it a winning experience regardless of the judges’ decision.

When I compete in a pageant, the months of preparation leading up to the pageant are just as important as the actual pageant event. Women, as a whole, will care for everyone else’s needs before they will take care of themselves. When I competed in a pageant, I gave myself  “permission” to focus on me for a short time. I don’t mean in a selfish way or taking on an entitlement mentally. Simply, it was a time to treat myself with the same care and love I give to everyone else around me.

• First and foremost, I read more. Reading is essential to personal develop, keeping life events in their proper perspective, and squashing the “negative inner critic.” I also worked with a coach.
• I spend more time in daily silence, reflection, and prayer. I can’t figure out what I’m suppose to be doing with my life if I’m so busy running everywhere and carrying an endless “to do” list in my head. You must slow down, prioritize your time, and focus on what is important if you want to have a real impact on anything.
• I pamper my outer body. In order to do this, you need to include these expenses in your budget. Facials, manicure, pedicure, hair processes, and massage are all scheduled into my last month of pageant preparation. They are my gifts to myself and serve as a reward for all the other sacrifices I have made.
• I exercise and eat better. Not only does this give me more energy,stamina, and look better, I get to celebrate by buying one or two new articles of clothing for the pageant.
• I schedule something special to do a couple days after the pageant. This is usually a family fun event. It is important to have something to look forward to after the pageant because, again, you have no control over the events at the pageant. You can only control your thoughts and actions.

When my daughters compete, I make the whole dress shopping experience a joy, not a burden. I allocate enough time and money to take them out for a nice lunch and something sweet at the end of the day. The whole time we are shopping my attention is on them. I’m not on a cell phone or working on my laptop when they are in the dressing room. I am totally present in mind and body to them for the whole day. We talk with each other and I get to know my girls deeper. Here are some things I do during the actual pageant weekend for them.

• I hand write a personal note to them for each day of competition. I share from my heart the feelings I have for them, inspirational quotes, and stories from my life with them. There is great power in the written word. My dad wrote me one letter in my lifetime when I was 17 years old. I still have it and it is even more precious to me now that he is gone.
• I decorate their room with streamers and balloons before we leave so when they come home, it’s celebration time. This takes a team effort to make it a surprise but well worth it. Also, my daughters only participate in one, maybe two, pageants per year. And we don’t do pageants every year. By limiting them, it makes each pageant experience special and they appreciate it more. If something becomes a common practice, it is no longer special.
• I shower them with little gifts of their favorite things through out the pageant weekend and after the event. Coupons to their favorite ice cream shop, bottles of their favorite beauty products, books, and flowers are a few things I budget into our pageant preparation costs.

One of the main reasons females enjoy pageantry is because it makes them feel special and like a princess/queen for a moment in time. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make someone feel special. However, it will take some time and thought.

Mothers, you need to do something special for yourselves after pageant weekend. Pageants are a tremendous drain on us, and our husbands, God love them, don’t get it. Don’t expect them or your kids to pamper you. You need to do it. It’s called self-love and I give you permission to exercise it.

Rhonda Shappert
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