As most of you know, my abilities in the kitchen are quite limited so I decided to take my daughters out to eat. Five minutes after we had been seated, a large man and his four children were seated at the table beside us. Within minutes, the father started chastising his son about the “C” he had received in band on his report card. In a very loud and aggressive voice, the man was going on and on about how this would affect his son’s overall GPA, eligibility to play sports, keep him out to the Jr. National Honors Society, etc.
He continued to talk about competition and how you’re either a winner or loser in this world; and being a loser is unacceptable. The father was being verbally disrespectful to his son, the teachers, and the other students his son was involved with at school; not to mention those of us in the restaurant who had to listen to his “stinkin thinkin.”
If this wasn’t already uncomfortable and awkward, when the father told his son to physically hit anyone who gets in his way or was distracting and annoying him, my blood started to boil. At this point the server approached him and the father shifted gears; but I was still upset inside.
I felt I needed to say something; but what could I say to an angry 300 pound bully? I was at a total loss. What struck me odd was that his children didn’t seem shaken by his actions. I grieved at the thought of what type of adults those four children would grow up to be being subjected to that type of behavior.
So I did the only thing within my power. I turned it into a teaching moment for my three daughters about little boys in men’s bodies, attitude, and how to view competition in life.
Competition can be viewed as either constructive or destruction. It’s entirely up to you as to which attitude you choose to adopt. Your attitude is formed through your association with coaches, family, friends, and the people with whom you compete. Notice I did not say “people you compete against.”
When you compete with people, the environment is positive, healthy, constructive and encourages cooperation. Friendly relationships are created and there is mutual respect. Care, empathy, and consideration are present. You are self-reflective and focused on learning and improving yourself. You are in competition only with yourself and are striving for individual excellence. Your success is not defined by the end result (who is crowned).
When you compete against others, you immediately start focusing on the other contestants. Your energy shifts to a negative, unhealthy, or destructive space. Taking out the competition either through mental games or verbal confrontations is typical. Fear, hostility, anger, jealousy, envy, and unethical behaviors are present in environments where the only focus is on winning the overall title. The lasting effects from a negative attitude of competition are a lack of respect for people and poor character development. The father we encountered in the restaurant is a perfect example of negative competition. Unfortunately, I see it all too often on sports fields, cheer and dance competitions, and in pageantry.
Competition, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. It is a vehicle for potential growth and success. Everyone needs to learn how to handle success and failure. The younger, the better. As a matter of fact, we learn more from our “failures” than we do from when things are always going our way and we are “winning.”
It all starts with you. Every word that comes from your mouth; and every action you do or fail to do sets an example for everyone around you. Consciously make a decision to focus on constructive thoughts, words and action.
As a very goal oriented, competitive and driven person, I frequently “check in” with my attitude. I wish I could say it was perfect, but it is not. One great thing about aging is that it is easier for me to keep the big picture in mind and to focus on constructive ways of getting better. My key is I never stop growing and learning. I use competition to bring out the best in me; and I have a very good time doing it.
“Live daringly, boldly, fearlessly. Taste the relish to be found in competition – in having put forth the best within you”
Henry J. Kaiser
Rhonda Shappert is an expert pageant coach, an iPEC Certified Professional Coach, an Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, and an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coach Federation (ICF).
She created Winning Through Pageantry® to partner with pageant contestants and their support people to provide complete pageant preparation, achieve winning results in life through pageantry, and to Succeed From The Inside Out®.
She has over 30 years experience in the pageantry world as a contestant, judge, emcee, staff member, mother of daughters who compete, Mrs. Ohio America 2005, and has held multiple titles at the local, state and national levels.
Rhonda graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelors degree in Musical Theater from The Ohio State University and has performed on stage in 15 countries on the Asian, European and American continents. This mother of three home educates their children and has been married 23 years to her husband Stephen, is the former mayor of her community, and serves on the board of two non-profit organizations. She and her husband perform original contemporary Christian music. For more information on Rhonda, visit www.WinningThroughPageantry.com.
