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This is the time of year for wrapping up gifts, projects, and pageants. In 4 days, it will be a brand new year filled with opportunities, if that’s how you choose to look at it. With a seemingly endless list of tasks, appointments, final exams, shopping, travel, cooking and cleaning, stress is something some of us are feeling right now and may not be too happy about it. Perhaps what we need to feel more happiness, is to change how we respond to the stress in our life.
Change is inevitable – after all, nothing really stays the same. But in today’s challenging times, it seems like we’re on “uncertainty” overload, never knowing what will happen from one moment to the next. Here today, gone tomorrow – or, at the least, very different tomorrow.
Uncertainty brings stress and confusion, and while most of us would be quick to say that we want less stress and more certainty in our lives, what we really want is less of a stress reaction to what life is throwing our way. Anyone who has done a pageant can immediately relate to how much stress a contestant and her mother will experience if they feel unprepared and uncertain about the pageant weekend.
We can’t choose what happens to us – but we can choose our responses to the situations we encounter. Let’s take a look at five different responses that people may have to stressful situations. As you read through these five responses, think of a recent stressful event. What can your reaction to that event teach you about how you habitually respond to stress? You may have one type of response at work, and another at home, or you may react differently depending on who else is involved.
The first, and unfortunately all too common response to stressful events, is to suffer and be a victim of it. People who respond this way give up and don’t take action. Things happen TO them – and though they may complain and be generally miserable, they don’t take any steps to do anything about it. They allow life to control them, instead of the other way around. A person with a victim mentality may have thoughts like: why does this always happen to me; I should have never done this; why bother, I’ll just lose again; there’s nothing I can do about it anyway; etc. This way of responding is certainly not recommended, and eventually, it will take its toll on one’s physical and mental health.
The second, equally destructive response is playing the “blame game”. Here, as opposed to being a victim of circumstance, there is a negative focus on other people or events that a person feels is responsible for their disappointment. The “blame game” may sound something like this: I lost because of you; I hate this and I hate that; there’s just not enough to go around; it’s the director’s fault I didn’t win; this pageant is fixed; etc.
The third way, moving in a direction to relieve stress, is to avoid the situation. People responding this way decide not to get involved in a situation that doesn’t concern them, or upon which they can’t make an impact. People recognize the situation as a potential time bomb waiting to explode if they enter the game. For example, getting involved in pageant gossip or a dispute over the final placement of the contestants is drama that will drive your stress level up through the roof. Avoid this drama when possible.
The fourth type of response is to accept the situation, and take action steps toward a positive resolution. Someone with this response may experience the temporary disappointment of not achieving what they had initially anticipated; but they recognize in the whole scheme of things, one event does not define who they are. They appreciate the experience for what it was, and reflect on the next steps to move forward. In pageantry, that may mean selecting a wardrobe that is more flattering to them, working on their communications skills, or finding a coach that can help them eliminate the fears in their minds and quiet the inner critics so they can achieve their goals.
The fifth way people can respond to stress is to alter their attitude, or thoughts, about the situation. When we look at a situation differently, the experience itself changes. Changing our perceptions is probably the most challenging because we can easily become stuck in our old patterns of how we interpret the world around us. However, the ability to change our perceptions of the circumstances and people around us is perhaps the most powerful skill we can master.
It’s your world, and you can create it as you wish. Remember, what one person sees as stressful, another may barely notice; or see it as an exciting opportunity. How are you going to choose today?
By Rhonda Shappert
December 28, 2009 21:07
